When we’re grieving everything can seem distant, grey, flat. Or the opposite, we’re very anxious, memories of what we’ve lost intrude, we forget things have changed and then the emotions come crashing in as we recall the situation.

I found out recently an old friend had died, leaving two young children in the world without their lovely dad. There have been so many things to grieve: my kind, funny friend; the time we spent together as young adults with our lives ahead of us; the times we didn’t catch up, because we thought we could do it later. It’s been slow work.

I know that what I’ve been experiencing is difficult, but normal. I’ve been able to speak with others about my feelings and work things through. I’ve written things down and cried and spoken to him in my head, saying some of the things I’d hoped we would have had time to talk about once we retired and had more time.

Sometimes we need some help from elsewhere with our grieving process, sometimes people in our lives don’t understand. A really common thing that people tell me is that after a while their friends or family expect them to have ‘moved on’ and are less willing to listen.

Grieving takes its own time, we’re definitely not in charge. If it’s running its’ natural course the waves start to hit us a little less hard, we notice longer gaps between them, but sometimes it can get stuck.

What I’ve noticed when working with my clients on grieving is that although grief tends to follow a natural trajectory every person’s grief has its own character and different things help different people.

I’ve been practising what I preach and making sure I plan mini ‘holidays’ from this experience I’m having right now: meeting a friend for coffee and catching up, finding activities that take my full attention for an hour or so. I know the grief will find me again but I’ll be more able to bear it if I do this.

You may be reading this because you’re going through something similar, we don’t just grieve through bereavement, it can be the loss of a relationship with someone, loss of a job we love, there are so many times we go through this in our lives.

Be kind to yourself, take time to sit with it and time away. Cry, write, speak, move, scream, walk, run .. whatever it takes. And know I’m here if you need a hand.