I want to share with you a great habit. I was taught to carry it out at the turn of the year and it’s served me well. Each year I reflect on what happened in the past year and how I handled it.
I love the quiet time in between Christmas and New Year. I made a commitment to myself a while ago to take this time for myself. It’s for quiet enjoyment of the season and the weather. I also use it to take a look back over the past twelve months.
Life has a habit of throwing the unexpected in our way. Sometimes these are wonderful. Sometimes they are less so. I find clues to who I am by examining how I responded. I also like to notice how I’m showing up in my life and in others’ lives too.
So maybe you’d like to join me. Carve out a little space for yourself in the next few days to ask these questions:
What happened in this past year that I could never have predicted?
How did I respond? Was that helpful to me and those around me?
Who was important to me in the past year?
What one thing would I have liked to be different?
What would I like to do differently in this coming year?
I’d love to hear your thoughts .. do you have any other questions you’ve found useful?
850,000 people have dementia in England and the number of people developing the disease is increasing annually.
Most of us have heard of Alzheimer’s disease, caused by a buildup of proteins in the brain. But did you know there are more than 200 types of dementia? Vascular dementia is caused by blood vessel disease in the brain, and it’s what my father sadly had. Lewy body dementia causes hallucinations and paranoia. It can be terrifying for the sufferer. It is also heartbreaking for carers trying to explain to their loved one they are safe.
One thing that is common to all dementias is the impact on those around the person with a diagnosis. Regardless of the symptoms, they have to experience the long, slow retreat of who that person once was, while trying to make them as comfortable as possible.
I have personal experience of dementia and the impact it’s had on those around me. I’ve also worked with many clients struggling practically and emotionally when a loved one is suffering
So when I saw that Dementia UK was inviting people to do a knitting challenge over November 2024 I jumped at the chance to take part. I’ll be knitting or crocheting a little bit every day for thirty days.
In addition to raising money for Dementia UK, I’ll also be doing my mental health some good AND I’ll finish the month with some new creations.
I’m starting with a top down cardigan in lovely chunky merino wool from Lauren Aston Designs in Exeter. Luckily, she also does mail order, it’d be a bit of a hike from Tynemouth to Exeter just for yarn.
If I manage to get that finished I’ll use odds and ends of yarn to make twiddle muffs, which cover canulas for dementia patients in hospital and provide something else to fiddle with if people get agitated.
Of course November is Gratitude month, so while I knit I’ll be thinking about all the unpaid carers, all the volunteers and all the love that goes into doing our best for someone suffering from this heartbreaking disease.
It’s vital to get as much support as possible for yourself when you’re caring for someone with dementia. Dementia UK runs a free, confidential Dementia Helpline staffed by dementia specialist Admiral Nurses who provide information, advice, and support with any aspect of dementia.
The Helpline is open:
Monday to Friday: 9am to 9pm
Saturday and Sunday 9am to 5pm (closed 25th December)
You’re probably right in the middle of the Christmas whirl right now, school shows, parties, and all that wrapping ahead of you!! But don’t forget there are other ways to give at Christmas, and couples who are altruistic can often be more satisfied in their couple relationship, plus it’s an opportunity to spend time together .. what’s to lose?!
So take some time out of your busy schedule, switch off the TV and talk with your sweetie about how you’d both like to give back in the coming year .. if time’s an issue but you’re cash rich how about setting up a monthly direct debit from your joint account to a charity you decide on together?
Or volunteer as a couple for a project, cleaning up your local beach or park, helping out with the National Trust (you can actually get free membership for being a volunteer) .. the possibilities are endless .. you get to keep the warm Christmas glow for the whole year!!!
And for those of you yet to meet your sweetie, what a great opportunity to meet like-minded people!
What did you do, let me know in the Comments below, or tweet me!
Nothing brings back memories quite like music .. what’s ‘your’ song?
What was playing on your first date?
At your wedding?
On your first Christmas as a family?
For most of us there’s a special feeling associated with these tunes ..
So today your task is to find the song or songs that bring back these special memories and share with your sweetie .. have it playing when they walk in from work, call the local radio station and ask them to do a dedication, email a YouTube clip or post it on their Facebook wall .. or, if you have one, play it on your guitar, piano or kazoo the next time you see them ..
What did you do, let me know in the Comments below, or tweet me!
You’ve just spent 19 days doing something every day for the benefit of your relationship .. notice a difference yet?
So now you’re a super honed relationship athlete in tip top condition it’s time to start looking for opportunities to flex those muscles ..
Keep your eyes and ears open for the many small opportunities that come up today to make a difference, and see how many you take .. send me your scores by commenting on this post, or on Twitter or Facebook if you prefer .. a relationship Christmas star for the winner!
This post follows on from yesterday’s, where I dared to suggest you just might be wrong sometimes (surely not!?) .. relationships thrive where both partners can give a little ground sometimes, and let’s face it, who doesn’t like to be right?
Today your task is to find something your sweetie is right about, give them a big beaming smile and let them know, with grace and love ..
Some of the most powerful words in your relationship may well be “Yes, you’re right.”
Afterwards spend some time thinking about how easy or difficult it was to do that, and how your partner reacted .. what did you learn?
Sometimes it’s tempting to take the good things for granted and only focus on the things your honey does wrong .. they know you love them right??
Wrong .. research shows that to feel positive in their relationship couples need an average ratio of five positive for every one negative interaction .. that means in order for your relationship to thrive you need to get working on those positives .. so notice your partner’s successes, and those of the two of you, and take time to celebrate them today ..
Keeping a healthy sense of perspective is really important in maintaining our wellbeing.
Today, how about thinking how you can widen your focus and do something to give back to this beautiful world we live in .. pick up litter that you spot in the street, pop some money in a charity collecting tin or bag up some unwanted possessions in good condition for your local charity shop, save energy by having a short shower (after that yummy long bath you had yesterday), turn the lights off and have an early night with your sweetie ..
Today’s a reminder that this relationship is not all about pleasing your other half .. it’s important to take care of ourselves so that we have enough left over to meet our partner half way.
So schedule some time out today, buy yourself something lush, just stop for ten minutes and have a cup of tea, or luxuriate in the bath with some bubbles ..
Have you ever tried walking round smiling all day? Smiling at strangers? As well as people thinking you’re slightly unhinged I’m sure others will have smiled back, because smiling is infectious!!
So when you see your baby tonight SMILE :-)))))))))) and see them catch it off you ..
Armele P. MBACP(Accred) . Psychotherapeutic Counselling & EMDR Therapy 