The team at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) invited me to contribute to another website article. This one focuses on managing sibling relationships over the Christmas period. However, I’d say it applies to any time families are together.
Hope you enjoy it!
850,000 people have dementia in England and the number of people developing the disease is increasing annually.
Most of us have heard of Alzheimer’s disease, caused by a buildup of proteins in the brain. But did you know there are more than 200 types of dementia? Vascular dementia is caused by blood vessel disease in the brain, and it’s what my father sadly had. Lewy body dementia causes hallucinations and paranoia. It can be terrifying for the sufferer. It is also heartbreaking for carers trying to explain to their loved one they are safe.
One thing that is common to all dementias is the impact on those around the person with a diagnosis. Regardless of the symptoms, they have to experience the long, slow retreat of who that person once was, while trying to make them as comfortable as possible.
I have personal experience of dementia and the impact it’s had on those around me. I’ve also worked with many clients struggling practically and emotionally when a loved one is suffering
So when I saw that Dementia UK was inviting people to do a knitting challenge over November 2024 I jumped at the chance to take part. I’ll be knitting or crocheting a little bit every day for thirty days.
In addition to raising money for Dementia UK, I’ll also be doing my mental health some good AND I’ll finish the month with some new creations.
I’m starting with a top down cardigan in lovely chunky merino wool from Lauren Aston Designs in Exeter. Luckily, she also does mail order, it’d be a bit of a hike from Tynemouth to Exeter just for yarn.
Lauren Aston’s lovely online shop is here.
If I manage to get that finished I’ll use odds and ends of yarn to make twiddle muffs, which cover canulas for dementia patients in hospital and provide something else to fiddle with if people get agitated.
Of course November is Gratitude month, so while I knit I’ll be thinking about all the unpaid carers, all the volunteers and all the love that goes into doing our best for someone suffering from this heartbreaking disease.
It’s vital to get as much support as possible for yourself when you’re caring for someone with dementia. Dementia UK runs a free, confidential Dementia Helpline staffed by dementia specialist Admiral Nurses who provide information, advice, and support with any aspect of dementia.
The Helpline is open:
Monday to Friday: 9am to 9pm
Saturday and Sunday 9am to 5pm (closed 25th December)
You can get more information here.
https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/how-we-can-support-you/
I’m fortunate to work with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy‘s media team from time to time, and they recently asked me to comment for an article on their website about parenting and mental health. It’s always nice to be recognised by your professional association for the work you do.
You can read the article here .. https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2024/25-january-how-to-create-positive-parent-and-child-relationships/
Thank you for being part of this year’s Relationships Advent Calendar, I hope you’ve had as much fun joining in the fun as I’ve had creating it ..
I’ve been inspired along the way by the penguins at noomi, whose Kindness Advent Calendar I follow every year, so check that out too.
And today of course is a day for family so I’m off to spend a peaceful day with mine .. wishing you a love-filled day close to your special ones, whoever they are ..
Many people will be slap bang in the middle of the last day of holiday preparation today .. last minute cards to drop off, ticking items off your to do list, some of you will still be at work .. and it’s tricky to move instantly from that ‘doing’ state of mind to the ‘being’ and ‘feeling’ one we value more at home .. so today take 5 minutes to work out what helps you make that transition .. maybe for you that’s a shower when you get home, a run, a 10 minute sit down with a cup of something calming after the kids are in bed, a minute of mindful breathing or a 5 minute stretch ..
One Mindful Minute
* To prepare breathe normally while counting your breaths for one minute
* Once you know how many breaths you take in a minute sit somewhere comfortable where you won’t be disturbed
* Close your eyes
* Concentrate on the breath entering and exiting your body while counting each breath
* When you reach the number of breaths you usually take in a minute, open your eyes, come back into the room and give thanks for this moment of peace
When you’ve found your ‘airlock’ don’t forget your sweetie .. instead of passing them the baby as soon as they walk in the door because you’re tired (and covered in dried baby rice) give them the gift of a big kiss, and some time of their own to decompress ..
So as we know from the kids’ nativity Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem for the census .. and today I’d like you to start a mental tally chart of the good things in your life, and how many are possible because of the love and support of your partner.
Keep adding whenever you think of one and watch that list grow .. find a beautiful notebook and start a gratitude journal if that’s how you roll .. notice how it feels to know you’re not dependent on or independent of each other .. but inter-dependent, two people who support and appreciate each other.
You’re probably right in the middle of the Christmas whirl right now, school shows, parties, and all that wrapping ahead of you!! But don’t forget there are other ways to give at Christmas, and couples who are altruistic can often be more satisfied in their couple relationship, plus it’s an opportunity to spend time together .. what’s to lose?!
So take some time out of your busy schedule, switch off the TV and talk with your sweetie about how you’d both like to give back in the coming year .. if time’s an issue but you’re cash rich how about setting up a monthly direct debit from your joint account to a charity you decide on together?
Or volunteer as a couple for a project, cleaning up your local beach or park, helping out with the National Trust (you can actually get free membership for being a volunteer) .. the possibilities are endless .. you get to keep the warm Christmas glow for the whole year!!!
And for those of you yet to meet your sweetie, what a great opportunity to meet like-minded people!
What did you do, let me know in the Comments below, or tweet me!
Nothing brings back memories quite like music .. what’s ‘your’ song?
What was playing on your first date?
At your wedding?
On your first Christmas as a family?
For most of us there’s a special feeling associated with these tunes ..
So today your task is to find the song or songs that bring back these special memories and share with your sweetie .. have it playing when they walk in from work, call the local radio station and ask them to do a dedication, email a YouTube clip or post it on their Facebook wall .. or, if you have one, play it on your guitar, piano or kazoo the next time you see them ..
What did you do, let me know in the Comments below, or tweet me!
You’ve just spent 19 days doing something every day for the benefit of your relationship .. notice a difference yet?
So now you’re a super honed relationship athlete in tip top condition it’s time to start looking for opportunities to flex those muscles ..
Keep your eyes and ears open for the many small opportunities that come up today to make a difference, and see how many you take .. send me your scores by commenting on this post, or on Twitter or Facebook if you prefer .. a relationship Christmas star for the winner!
This post follows on from yesterday’s, where I dared to suggest you just might be wrong sometimes (surely not!?) .. relationships thrive where both partners can give a little ground sometimes, and let’s face it, who doesn’t like to be right?
Today your task is to find something your sweetie is right about, give them a big beaming smile and let them know, with grace and love ..
Some of the most powerful words in your relationship may well be “Yes, you’re right.”
Afterwards spend some time thinking about how easy or difficult it was to do that, and how your partner reacted .. what did you learn?
Armele P. MBACP(Accred) . Psychotherapeutic Counselling & EMDR Therapy 