Category Archives: Mental Health & Wellbeing

12.29.25
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Taking Stock

I want to share with you a great habit. I was taught to carry it out at the turn of the year and it’s served me well. Each year I reflect on what happened in the past year and how I handled it.

I love the quiet time in between Christmas and New Year. I made a commitment to myself a while ago to take this time for myself. It’s for quiet enjoyment of the season and the weather. I also use it to take a look back over the past twelve months.

Life has a habit of throwing the unexpected in our way. Sometimes these are wonderful. Sometimes they are less so. I find clues to who I am by examining how I responded. I also like to notice how I’m showing up in my life and in others’ lives too.

So maybe you’d like to join me. Carve out a little space for yourself in the next few days to ask these questions:

What happened in this past year that I could never have predicted?

How did I respond? Was that helpful to me and those around me?

Who was important to me in the past year?

What one thing would I have liked to be different?

What would I like to do differently in this coming year?

I’d love to hear your thoughts .. do you have any other questions you’ve found useful?

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11.01.24
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Caring for Loved Ones with Dementia

850,000 people have dementia in England and the number of people developing the disease is increasing annually.

Most of us have heard of Alzheimer’s disease, caused by a buildup of proteins in the brain. But did you know there are more than 200 types of dementia? Vascular dementia is caused by blood vessel disease in the brain, and it’s what my father sadly had. Lewy body dementia causes hallucinations and paranoia. It can be terrifying for the sufferer. It is also heartbreaking for carers trying to explain to their loved one they are safe.

One thing that is common to all dementias is the impact on those around the person with a diagnosis. Regardless of the symptoms, they have to experience the long, slow retreat of who that person once was, while trying to make them as comfortable as possible.

I have personal experience of dementia and the impact it’s had on those around me. I’ve also worked with many clients struggling practically and emotionally when a loved one is suffering

So when I saw that Dementia UK was inviting people to do a knitting challenge over November 2024 I jumped at the chance to take part. I’ll be knitting or crocheting a little bit every day for thirty days.

Join the Knitting Challenge for Dementia UK

In addition to raising money for Dementia UK, I’ll also be doing my mental health some good AND I’ll finish the month with some new creations.

I’m starting with a top down cardigan in lovely chunky merino wool from Lauren Aston Designs in Exeter. Luckily, she also does mail order, it’d be a bit of a hike from Tynemouth to Exeter just for yarn.

Lauren Aston’s lovely online shop is here.

If I manage to get that finished I’ll use odds and ends of yarn to make twiddle muffs, which cover canulas for dementia patients in hospital and provide something else to fiddle with if people get agitated.


Of course November is Gratitude month, so while I knit I’ll be thinking about all the unpaid carers, all the volunteers and all the love that goes into doing our best for someone suffering from this heartbreaking disease.

It’s vital to get as much support as possible for yourself when you’re caring for someone with dementia. Dementia UK runs a free, confidential Dementia Helpline staffed by dementia specialist Admiral Nurses who provide information, advice, and support with any aspect of dementia.

The Helpline is open:

Monday to Friday: 9am to 9pm

Saturday and Sunday 9am to 5pm (closed 25th December)

You can get more information here.

https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/how-we-can-support-you/

10.11.24
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Helping with Grieving

When we’re grieving everything can seem distant, grey, flat. Or the opposite, we’re very anxious, memories of what we’ve lost intrude, we forget things have changed and then the emotions come crashing in as we recall the situation.

I found out recently an old friend had died, leaving two young children in the world without their lovely dad. There have been so many things to grieve: my kind, funny friend; the time we spent together as young adults with our lives ahead of us; the times we didn’t catch up, because we thought we could do it later. It’s been slow work.

I know that what I’ve been experiencing is difficult, but normal. I’ve been able to speak with others about my feelings and work things through. I’ve written things down and cried and spoken to him in my head, saying some of the things I’d hoped we would have had time to talk about once we retired and had more time.

separation .. get support

Sometimes we need some help from elsewhere with our grieving process, sometimes people in our lives don’t understand. A really common thing that people tell me is that after a while their friends or family expect them to have ‘moved on’ and are less willing to listen.

Grieving takes its own time, we’re definitely not in charge. If it’s running its’ natural course the waves start to hit us a little less hard, we notice longer gaps between them, but sometimes it can get stuck.

What I’ve noticed when working with my clients on grieving is that although grief tends to follow a natural trajectory every person’s grief has its own character and different things help different people.

I’ve been practising what I preach and making sure I plan mini ‘holidays’ from this experience I’m having right now: meeting a friend for coffee and catching up, finding activities that take my full attention for an hour or so. I know the grief will find me again but I’ll be more able to bear it if I do this.

You may be reading this because you’re going through something similar, we don’t just grieve through bereavement, it can be the loss of a relationship with someone, loss of a job we love, there are so many times we go through this in our lives.

Be kind to yourself, take time to sit with it and time away. Cry, write, speak, move, scream, walk, run .. whatever it takes. And know I’m here if you need a hand.

02.08.24
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How to create positive parent and child relationships

I’m fortunate to work with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy‘s media team from time to time, and they recently asked me to comment for an article on their website about parenting and mental health. It’s always nice to be recognised by your professional association for the work you do.

You can read the article here .. https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2024/25-january-how-to-create-positive-parent-and-child-relationships/

01.15.24
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Cancer and me

Some of you may have visited this website in the past few months and seen that I wasn’t taking on new clients. I didn’t want to share too much at the time but now things are settling down it feels ok to share more about what’s been going on.

I’d been feeling tired and physically not quite right since 2020, but put it down to ageing and lockdown changes. Unfortunately in May 2023 I had to go to A&E and after an emergency operation I was told I had Stage 3 cancer. It was a huge shock.

I spent the summer having treatment at the Northern Centre for Cancer Care and over that time met so many wonderful healthcare workers and patients, it’s been a really humbling experience. It struck me that I’ve experienced being there for a relatively short time but these professionals work with cancer day in day out and their ability for empathy as well as the sheer amount of information they deal with on an ongoing basis is astonishing.

It’s been an incredibly challenging time and I’m so lucky to have amazing family and friends around me. Having spent time so close to the reality of my mortality has changed me and I’m hoping to take the difficulties and use them to enjoy life more as well as be a better therapist.

The cancer treatment put me straight into surgical menopause, and I have been fortunate to find resources during my journey so far that I’ve put links to below, some local to me and others available to anyone. Do get in touch if you have any to add to the list and hopefully others will find it helpful too.

Coping with Cancer

Maggie’s . Everyone’s home of cancer care

Menopause and Cancer

08.19.22
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I’m on a podcast

Really enjoyed recording this podcast about boundaries in relationships with Annalisa Barbieri. She and Hester the producer made it so relaxed it felt just like a telephone chat. Can’t believe how Northern I sound though!

https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9wb2QubGluay8xNTY3MTkwMzU4LnJzcw/episode/NjI5NjRjMDIwYmY2NjYwMDEyYWZlYjE4?hl=en-GB&ved=2ahUKEwj89eaK28D4AhXZiVwKHR8cDvMQjrkEegQIAhAF&ep=6

#conversationswithannalisabarbieri

#boundaries

#psychotherapy

#bacp

07.05.22
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Love doing these Guardian items

I had the opportunity to work with Annalisa Barbieri again on a reader’s issue. I love the variety of subjects that come up and this time it was a reader writing in about something going on between her husband and his family.

Have a look and see what you think .. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/feb/11/why-is-my-mother-in-law-still-so-angry-about-her-exs-affair

11.30.20
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Pandemic-proof your relationships

“Advent is the perfect time to clear and prepare the Way. Advent is a winter training camp for those who desire peace.” – Edward Hays

nov30

Those who know me also know I love a good challenge, and at this time of year I usually post a daily challenge for couples to reconnect and nurture their relationships.

2020 has been a hell of a year though, so I’ve decided to widen this year’s challenge to include all our relationships. Like it or not we exist in relationship to others, at home, locally, nationally and internationally, and when we take time to approach these relationships with intention we can find great healing and joy.

December is a great time to take stock of our relationships, and to make sure loving each other is part of the run up to Christmas. Those of you who read my posts regularly will know I’m a firm believer in the power of small sustained actions to build and sustain loving relationships.

So I invite you to follow my new and improved Relationship Advent Calendar Challenge, a great way to build acts of love into each day from December 1st, as my seasonal gift to you.

So, what’s a “Relationship Advent Calendar?

A lot of advent calendars are about getting, but this one’s all about giving, because in our relationships we give to receive. Every day in December until Christmas, I’ll reveal a new action to build and sustain your relationship with others and your world.

Subscribe to the blog, follow me on Twitter or Facebook and & get 25 acts of love delivered to your inbox each day, starting on December 1!

I’ll be doing all of these right along with you .. I’d love to hear how you get on ..

#adventchallenge #relationships #wellbeing

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Are you excited about this advent project? Get in touch using the Comments box below or my Contacts details to the right of your screen .. happy adventing!

12.25.19
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Merry Christmas to you!!

Thank you for being part of this year’s Relationships Advent Calendar, I hope you’ve had as much fun joining in the fun as I’ve had creating it ..

I’ve been inspired along the way by the penguins at noomi, whose Kindness Advent Calendar I follow every year, so check that out too.

And today of course is a day for family so I’m off to spend a peaceful day with mine .. wishing you a love-filled day close to your special ones, whoever they are ..

christmas

09.06.19
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Avoiding talking about Boris Johnson

I taped a radio interview on Love Sport Radio today, talking about sibling rivalries. They’d asked me on to tie in with yesterday’s news about Joe Johnson resigning from government.

I never comment in the media about specific people as I don’t know enough about their lives and it wouldn’t be respectful.

But I took the opportunity to talk about how we all find ways of managing in relation to our brothers and sisters as we grow.

There’s lots of research on this, and it makes perfect sense .. if you’ve ever watched those Springwatch programmes where chicks push each other out of the nest you’ll know what I mean. Resources are scarce, and children find any way they can to get as much power, love and attention they can.

Home is where most of us start learning about how to relate to others, and as we move out into the world we take these unconscious beliefs and tactics and test them out on others.

Are you the clever one, the sporty one, the cheeky one? Maybe you see yourself as the deputy for your parents in relation to your siblings?

Relating to sibling can become really challenging when we get older and we need to come together to decide on care for an elderly parent, or when a parent passes away. Often repeating sibling roles without thinking can really mess things up.

But we can all take the opportunity to have a look at how we’re currently relating to our siblings, and what we’d like to do differently.

A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you’d be behaving like this if the people involved were colleagues rather than siblings.

Notice any strong emotions and get curious about where they’re coming from. What old stories are you telling yourself? Are they still relevant?

https://www.lovesportradio.com/