I had the opportunity to work with Annalisa Barbieri again on a reader’s issue. I love the variety of subjects that come up and this time it was a reader writing in about something going on between her husband and his family.
Have a look and see what you think .. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/feb/11/why-is-my-mother-in-law-still-so-angry-about-her-exs-affair
I enjoyed working on another piece in the Guardian with Annalisa Barbieri. She’s so easy to talk to and we had a good long conversation as always which results in just a few well chosen words.
“Advent is the perfect time to clear and prepare the Way. Advent is a winter training camp for those who desire peace.” – Edward Hays
Those who know me also know I love a good challenge, and at this time of year I usually post a daily challenge for couples to reconnect and nurture their relationships.
2020 has been a hell of a year though, so I’ve decided to widen this year’s challenge to include all our relationships. Like it or not we exist in relationship to others, at home, locally, nationally and internationally, and when we take time to approach these relationships with intention we can find great healing and joy.
December is a great time to take stock of our relationships, and to make sure loving each other is part of the run up to Christmas. Those of you who read my posts regularly will know I’m a firm believer in the power of small sustained actions to build and sustain loving relationships.
So I invite you to follow my new and improved Relationship Advent Calendar Challenge, a great way to build acts of love into each day from December 1st, as my seasonal gift to you.
So, what’s a “Relationship Advent Calendar?
A lot of advent calendars are about getting, but this one’s all about giving, because in our relationships we give to receive. Every day in December until Christmas, I’ll reveal a new action to build and sustain your relationship with others and your world.
Subscribe to the blog, follow me on Twitter or Facebook and & get 25 acts of love delivered to your inbox each day, starting on December 1!
I’ll be doing all of these right along with you .. I’d love to hear how you get on ..
#adventchallenge #relationships #wellbeing
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Are you excited about this advent project? Get in touch using the Comments box below or my Contacts details to the right of your screen .. happy adventing!
I’ve been offering email counselling since June 2018 and it works really well.
Email counselling is a flexible way to get support without having to commit to a weekly session or travel to a counselling centre. You can write to me about any issue that’s worrying you and I will support you to understand better the difficulties you’re experiencing and encourage you to think about ways to change things.
You would write an email of about 500-750 words, and I will aim to respond with a long email within three working days. The email will contain reflections on what you have said as well as some suggestions for work to do in between our exchanges. I would let you know in advance if I’m planning any time away from my desk.
You can work with me for as long as you find it helpful, but initially we will be identifying what your goals are for our work together so we can keep a focus on those.
Each message exchange is the equivalent of an hour of face-to-face counselling — with the added benefit that you can go back and re-read your messages whenever you need to. You would send payment at the same time as you send each email, and I also offer blocks of 6 messages at a reduced price as this saves me some admin time.
Get in touch to find out more using the form below:
Thank you for being part of this year’s Relationships Advent Calendar, I hope you’ve had as much fun joining in the fun as I’ve had creating it ..
I’ve been inspired along the way by the penguins at noomi, whose Kindness Advent Calendar I follow every year, so check that out too.
And today of course is a day for family so I’m off to spend a peaceful day with mine .. wishing you a love-filled day close to your special ones, whoever they are ..
Many people will be slap bang in the middle of the last day of holiday preparation today .. last minute cards to drop off, ticking items off your to do list, some of you will still be at work .. and it’s tricky to move instantly from that ‘doing’ state of mind to the ‘being’ and ‘feeling’ one we value more at home .. so today take 5 minutes to work out what helps you make that transition .. maybe for you that’s a shower when you get home, a run, a 10 minute sit down with a cup of something calming after the kids are in bed, a minute of mindful breathing or a 5 minute stretch ..
One Mindful Minute
* To prepare breathe normally while counting your breaths for one minute
* Once you know how many breaths you take in a minute sit somewhere comfortable where you won’t be disturbed
* Close your eyes
* Concentrate on the breath entering and exiting your body while counting each breath
* When you reach the number of breaths you usually take in a minute, open your eyes, come back into the room and give thanks for this moment of peace
When you’ve found your ‘airlock’ don’t forget your sweetie .. instead of passing them the baby as soon as they walk in the door because you’re tired (and covered in dried baby rice) give them the gift of a big kiss, and some time of their own to decompress ..
So as we know from the kids’ nativity Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem for the census .. and today I’d like you to start a mental tally chart of the good things in your life, and how many are possible because of the love and support of your partner.
Keep adding whenever you think of one and watch that list grow .. find a beautiful notebook and start a gratitude journal if that’s how you roll .. notice how it feels to know you’re not dependent on or independent of each other .. but inter-dependent, two people who support and appreciate each other.
You’re probably right in the middle of the Christmas whirl right now, school shows, parties, and all that wrapping ahead of you!! But don’t forget there are other ways to give at Christmas, and couples who are altruistic can often be more satisfied in their couple relationship, plus it’s an opportunity to spend time together .. what’s to lose?!
So take some time out of your busy schedule, switch off the TV and talk with your sweetie about how you’d both like to give back in the coming year .. if time’s an issue but you’re cash rich how about setting up a monthly direct debit from your joint account to a charity you decide on together?
Or volunteer as a couple for a project, cleaning up your local beach or park, helping out with the National Trust (you can actually get free membership for being a volunteer) .. the possibilities are endless .. you get to keep the warm Christmas glow for the whole year!!!
And for those of you yet to meet your sweetie, what a great opportunity to meet like-minded people!
What did you do, let me know in the Comments below, or tweet me!
Nothing brings back memories quite like music .. what’s ‘your’ song?
What was playing on your first date?
At your wedding?
On your first Christmas as a family?
For most of us there’s a special feeling associated with these tunes ..
So today your task is to find the song or songs that bring back these special memories and share with your sweetie .. have it playing when they walk in from work, call the local radio station and ask them to do a dedication, email a YouTube clip or post it on their Facebook wall .. or, if you have one, play it on your guitar, piano or kazoo the next time you see them ..
What did you do, let me know in the Comments below, or tweet me!
You’ve just spent 19 days doing something every day for the benefit of your relationship .. notice a difference yet?
So now you’re a super honed relationship athlete in tip top condition it’s time to start looking for opportunities to flex those muscles ..
Keep your eyes and ears open for the many small opportunities that come up today to make a difference, and see how many you take .. send me your scores by commenting on this post, or on Twitter or Facebook if you prefer .. a relationship Christmas star for the winner!
Armele P. MBACP(Accred) . Psychotherapeutic Counselling & EMDR Therapy 