I spoke with a lovely journalist on Monday about what it can be like meeting a child’s new partner and ideas on how to handle it.
It’s only Tuesday and I got notifications of some great articles, in the Independent and RTE in Ireland so far.
https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/health-and-families/people-b2908409.html
I want to share with you a great habit. I was taught to carry it out at the turn of the year and it’s served me well. Each year I reflect on what happened in the past year and how I handled it.
I love the quiet time in between Christmas and New Year. I made a commitment to myself a while ago to take this time for myself. It’s for quiet enjoyment of the season and the weather. I also use it to take a look back over the past twelve months.
Life has a habit of throwing the unexpected in our way. Sometimes these are wonderful. Sometimes they are less so. I find clues to who I am by examining how I responded. I also like to notice how I’m showing up in my life and in others’ lives too.
So maybe you’d like to join me. Carve out a little space for yourself in the next few days to ask these questions:
What happened in this past year that I could never have predicted?
How did I respond? Was that helpful to me and those around me?
Who was important to me in the past year?
What one thing would I have liked to be different?
What would I like to do differently in this coming year?
I’d love to hear your thoughts .. do you have any other questions you’ve found useful?
Contributed to this funny article in the Telegraph about Christmas with the fam by Jenny Tucker .. https://archive.ph/LC7s1
The team at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) invited me to contribute to another website article. This one focuses on managing sibling relationships over the Christmas period. However, I’d say it applies to any time families are together.
Hope you enjoy it!
850,000 people have dementia in England and the number of people developing the disease is increasing annually.
Most of us have heard of Alzheimer’s disease, caused by a buildup of proteins in the brain. But did you know there are more than 200 types of dementia? Vascular dementia is caused by blood vessel disease in the brain, and it’s what my father sadly had. Lewy body dementia causes hallucinations and paranoia. It can be terrifying for the sufferer. It is also heartbreaking for carers trying to explain to their loved one they are safe.
One thing that is common to all dementias is the impact on those around the person with a diagnosis. Regardless of the symptoms, they have to experience the long, slow retreat of who that person once was, while trying to make them as comfortable as possible.
I have personal experience of dementia and the impact it’s had on those around me. I’ve also worked with many clients struggling practically and emotionally when a loved one is suffering
So when I saw that Dementia UK was inviting people to do a knitting challenge over November 2024 I jumped at the chance to take part. I’ll be knitting or crocheting a little bit every day for thirty days.
In addition to raising money for Dementia UK, I’ll also be doing my mental health some good AND I’ll finish the month with some new creations.
I’m starting with a top down cardigan in lovely chunky merino wool from Lauren Aston Designs in Exeter. Luckily, she also does mail order, it’d be a bit of a hike from Tynemouth to Exeter just for yarn.
Lauren Aston’s lovely online shop is here.
If I manage to get that finished I’ll use odds and ends of yarn to make twiddle muffs, which cover canulas for dementia patients in hospital and provide something else to fiddle with if people get agitated.
Of course November is Gratitude month, so while I knit I’ll be thinking about all the unpaid carers, all the volunteers and all the love that goes into doing our best for someone suffering from this heartbreaking disease.
It’s vital to get as much support as possible for yourself when you’re caring for someone with dementia. Dementia UK runs a free, confidential Dementia Helpline staffed by dementia specialist Admiral Nurses who provide information, advice, and support with any aspect of dementia.
The Helpline is open:
Monday to Friday: 9am to 9pm
Saturday and Sunday 9am to 5pm (closed 25th December)
You can get more information here.
https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/how-we-can-support-you/
When we’re grieving everything can seem distant, grey, flat. Or the opposite, we’re very anxious, memories of what we’ve lost intrude, we forget things have changed and then the emotions come crashing in as we recall the situation.
I found out recently an old friend had died, leaving two young children in the world without their lovely dad. There have been so many things to grieve: my kind, funny friend; the time we spent together as young adults with our lives ahead of us; the times we didn’t catch up, because we thought we could do it later. It’s been slow work.
I know that what I’ve been experiencing is difficult, but normal. I’ve been able to speak with others about my feelings and work things through. I’ve written things down and cried and spoken to him in my head, saying some of the things I’d hoped we would have had time to talk about once we retired and had more time.
Sometimes we need some help from elsewhere with our grieving process, sometimes people in our lives don’t understand. A really common thing that people tell me is that after a while their friends or family expect them to have ‘moved on’ and are less willing to listen.
Grieving takes its own time, we’re definitely not in charge. If it’s running its’ natural course the waves start to hit us a little less hard, we notice longer gaps between them, but sometimes it can get stuck.
What I’ve noticed when working with my clients on grieving is that although grief tends to follow a natural trajectory every person’s grief has its own character and different things help different people.
I’ve been practising what I preach and making sure I plan mini ‘holidays’ from this experience I’m having right now: meeting a friend for coffee and catching up, finding activities that take my full attention for an hour or so. I know the grief will find me again but I’ll be more able to bear it if I do this.
You may be reading this because you’re going through something similar, we don’t just grieve through bereavement, it can be the loss of a relationship with someone, loss of a job we love, there are so many times we go through this in our lives.
Be kind to yourself, take time to sit with it and time away. Cry, write, speak, move, scream, walk, run .. whatever it takes. And know I’m here if you need a hand.
Annalisa called me up a few weeks ago to work on another email from a reader. This one was a bit different, about a work conflict and also needed input from other specialists which was fun.
See what you think .. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/aug/16/my-ex-boss-bullied-me-and-stole-my-ideas-how-do-i-copeve-on
I’m fortunate to work with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy‘s media team from time to time, and they recently asked me to comment for an article on their website about parenting and mental health. It’s always nice to be recognised by your professional association for the work you do.
You can read the article here .. https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2024/25-january-how-to-create-positive-parent-and-child-relationships/
Some of you may have visited this website in the past few months and seen that I wasn’t taking on new clients. I didn’t want to share too much at the time but now things are settling down it feels ok to share more about what’s been going on.
I’d been feeling tired and physically not quite right since 2020, but put it down to ageing and lockdown changes. Unfortunately in May 2023 I had to go to A&E and after an emergency operation I was told I had Stage 3 cancer. It was a huge shock.
I spent the summer having treatment at the Northern Centre for Cancer Care and over that time met so many wonderful healthcare workers and patients, it’s been a really humbling experience. It struck me that I’ve experienced being there for a relatively short time but these professionals work with cancer day in day out and their ability for empathy as well as the sheer amount of information they deal with on an ongoing basis is astonishing.
It’s been an incredibly challenging time and I’m so lucky to have amazing family and friends around me. Having spent time so close to the reality of my mortality has changed me and I’m hoping to take the difficulties and use them to enjoy life more as well as be a better therapist.
The cancer treatment put me straight into surgical menopause, and I have been fortunate to find resources during my journey so far that I’ve put links to below, some local to me and others available to anyone. Do get in touch if you have any to add to the list and hopefully others will find it helpful too.
Really enjoyed recording this podcast about boundaries in relationships with Annalisa Barbieri. She and Hester the producer made it so relaxed it felt just like a telephone chat. Can’t believe how Northern I sound though!
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9wb2QubGluay8xNTY3MTkwMzU4LnJzcw/episode/NjI5NjRjMDIwYmY2NjYwMDEyYWZlYjE4?hl=en-GB&ved=2ahUKEwj89eaK28D4AhXZiVwKHR8cDvMQjrkEegQIAhAF&ep=6
#conversationswithannalisabarbieri
#boundaries
#psychotherapy
#bacp
Armele P. MBACP(Accred) . Psychotherapeutic Counselling & EMDR Therapy 